On a more positive note

When I wrote my last post I was feeling really down, but during the past few months I’ve been feeling much better so I owe you an update.

The last you heard of me, I was all “oh noez, no man will ever love me!”, even though a number of people kept telling me that there are cisgender gay men who date trans guys. I had a hard time believing it, despite the fact that several gay men had hit on me in the past — men who knew about my history. I was just stuck in a pessimistic mindset.

Out of curiosity, I posted a profile on a gay personals site, stating very clearly that I’d transitioned from female to male, and you know what? I got dozens of positive responses within days! I was astounded. I ended up leaving the site because I couldn’t get used to the anonymity (and the level of explicitness) but it was a huge confidence boost. At the same time I began to get busy with a few projects I’m passionate about so I managed to pull myself out of the rut.

Since then I’ve been flirting with several guys, both in person and on facebook, and I’ve been on a couple of dates. I’m still figuring out how and when to disclose my trans status, though: the guys I met in person had known up front, but I’ve been chatting with some men who don’t know and I’m curious to see how they’ll react. I think my self-esteem can handle the rejection now.

So I’ve finally learned what people have been telling me all along: the gay community isn’t particularly closed to trans men. It’s far from being a haven of body positivity (lord help you if you’re fat, old, or have dark skin) but I haven’t felt as excluded as I thought. I just stick to the most feminist and activist-y spaces within the community.

I hope everyone is ending their year on a positive note, too!