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On a more positive note

December 27, 2012

When I wrote my last post I was feeling really down, but during the past few months I’ve been feeling much better so I owe you an update.

The last you heard of me, I was all “oh noez, no man will ever love me!”, even though a number of people kept telling me that there are cisgender gay men who date trans guys. I had a hard time believing it, despite the fact that several gay men had hit on me in the past — men who knew about my history. I was just stuck in a pessimistic mindset.

Out of curiosity, I posted a profile on a gay personals site, stating very clearly that I’d transitioned from female to male, and you know what? I got dozens of positive responses within days! I was astounded. I ended up leaving the site because I couldn’t get used to the anonymity (and the level of explicitness) but it was a huge confidence boost. At the same time I began to get busy with a few projects I’m passionate about so I managed to pull myself out of the rut.

Since then I’ve been flirting with several guys, both in person and on facebook, and I’ve been on a couple of dates. I’m still figuring out how and when to disclose my trans status, though: the guys I met in person had known up front, but I’ve been chatting with some men who don’t know and I’m curious to see how they’ll react. I think my self-esteem can handle the rejection now.

So I’ve finally learned what people have been telling me all along: the gay community isn’t particularly closed to trans men. It’s far from being a haven of body positivity (lord help you if you’re fat, old, or have dark skin) but I haven’t felt as excluded as I thought. I just stick to the most feminist and activist-y spaces within the community.

I hope everyone is ending their year on a positive note, too!

7 Comments leave one →
  1. December 27, 2012 3:00 pm

    I’m glad things are looking up for you :)

    • genderkid permalink*
      January 3, 2013 5:39 pm

      Thanks! you’ve always been a good example for me of how our bodies/histories don’t have to interfere with our love lives.

      • January 3, 2013 6:21 pm

        Thank you, glad my experiences helped you.

  2. December 27, 2012 7:55 pm

    I’m so glad that you’re feeling more positive – I’m sorry that you felt down in the dumps about being trans earlier, but it’s great that you’re ending the year on a high note. You’ve definitely been on more dates than I have, and I’m a gay guy who was born male… (:

    • genderkid permalink*
      January 3, 2013 5:59 pm

      Thanks for the good vibes! I’m only a few years older than you, but at your age I had barely dated at all (well, I had been in a relationship with a girl, but that’s another story). I’m still amazed at how many teenagers go on dates, hook up and everything — I didn’t have much independence at the time.

      I used to think that dating was easy for everyone and that I was a loser –or at least, unlucky– for not having much experience (what a silly thing to think) but now I realize that it’s just like anything else: it’s hard at first but it gets easier with practice. I also try to remember that other people are just as nervous as I am :-)

  3. james permalink
    December 28, 2012 8:31 am

    that’s great hope it goes well

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