“Coming out” on a date
This weekend, for the first time, I went on a date with a guy who didn’t know I was trans. We met on facebook –where we had several trans and trans-friendly friends in common– and he was super cool about trans issues, but I wanted to meet in person before telling him. In previous flirting situations I had disclosed my trans status early on and it ended up being a conversation-stopper, so I was curious about this new strategy. (Besides, I wasn’t sure yet if I was super interested.)
We had dinner and then talked for hours. In person I wasn’t really attracted to him, but I decided to disclose anyway to see how he’d react. I said, “I didn’t always live as male”, which was kind of ambiguous, so then I clarified “I’m a trans man like so-and-so”. He didn’t seem too shocked, although he did stare harder at me for the rest of the conversation. I went on to say, “I thought I should tell you because I know it changes things.” He answered, “It doesn’t change anything for me,” and after a pause, “You’re really cute.”
It was a super positive experience, and it’s too bad I’m not into this guy. I was doubtful about this disclosure-after-meeting strategy because I thought men might feel disappointed: they might still find me attractive after finding out –they might me despite being trans– but I wouldn’t be what they’d expected. I reckoned that if guys knew about my trans status early on and they still wanted to meet me, I’d be sure that they liked the whole package (which is nicer than being liked despite this or that).
But this guy really took it in stride; if anything, he seemed more interested afterwards. I know that not everyone will react this way (some people have a hard time with unexpected surprises of any kind) but it was a huge confidence boost. I feel like more and more doors are opening for me in the dating world; or rather, they were always unlocked but I had never dared to try them.