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Boys’ Night Out

December 29, 2009

Yesterday, my dad organized our family’s first Boys’ Night Out. I wasn’t invited.

I had managed to swallow my frustration and get over it, but today several people told me how much fun it was. Plus, I missed seeing some of my cousins who live far away. I’ve been pretty happy and busy these past weeks –which is why I haven’t been posting– but this really annoys me: my dad knows I’m trans, and he knows how much I enjoy spending time with my male cousins and uncles.

Does anyone else have a story about being left out (or included!) in family events because of (or regardless of) gender?

9 Comments leave one →
  1. December 29, 2009 5:47 pm

    It wasn’t the male relatives who excluded me, it was my mom and two women cousins who were very Catholic. My family loves to wrestle and, once, when I was around nine, I jumped into a fray with a bunch of men relatives. My mom and these two cousins thought I was too old a girl (too close to puberty) to do that anymore, they scolded me. My other relatives exchanged looks that clearly said “WTF?!” but respected my mom’s wishes. I just went into an empty bedroom alone for the rest of the afternoon; my mom came in eventually and apologized, but her behavior never changed.

    After becoming more independent (and more queer, meanwhile my mom has been losing her grip on reality), my family accepts and loves me for me. I wish they could adopt everyone

  2. December 30, 2009 1:40 pm

    I wasn’t included on the fishing trips that my dad took my brothers on. That always hurt since I love to fish and it would have been nice to go out with the guys.

  3. December 30, 2009 4:59 pm

    I came out in a letter to my parents two weeks before visiting them. A couple of days after my arrival, my father, I and my brother in law were planning a trip to the mall. My father concluded it would be a guys’ trip. From then on I knew for sure he accepted me as his son. It didn’t even seem an act of pure will to include me in “the guys”, it seemed to come natural.
    I wish everyone could have parents like mine!

  4. December 30, 2009 9:57 pm

    Ouch! Sorry to hear that.

  5. Malcolm permalink
    December 31, 2009 3:07 am

    That’s lousy; I’m really sorry to hear it. I don’t have any stories to share in sympathy, but that must sting given your recent conversations.

  6. Sui permalink
    January 15, 2010 5:17 pm

    That, for me, was always one of the things that made my blood boil even before I came out. I HATED being left out of the ‘boys only’ things. I got left out of plenty of ‘boys only’ birthday parties, I had to play on girls teams in sports and was excluded from ones I wanted play but for which there were no girls teams available (I know girls can be very competitive but the teams I played on were not, when I went from a mixed team to a girls team I went from being exhausted, sore and bruised at the end of the game to having barely exerted myself), and when my cousin, also one of my very close friends, got married, I wasn’t invited to his bachelor party. It’s difficult for me to even remember it now with out getting angry, and it’s left behind a very strong dislike of gender segregation, not just because it caused me to be excluded but because it excludes girls that might want to join the boys instead and vice versa.

  7. Joel permalink
    April 8, 2010 9:21 pm

    My issue is being included in things that are “girls only,” for example, Baby Showers. I hate baby showers and I have to go to so many. I always feel really out of place and just hide out in the farthest room possible.

  8. September 22, 2010 4:52 pm

    I’m sorry you couldn’t go for it. Just stumbled upon your blog really enjoy reading your writings :)

  9. Ever permalink
    January 12, 2011 10:45 pm

    A very close friend invited me to his bachelor party. We were having a great time, drinking and hanging out when a groomsman took me aside and told me to go back to the hotel, that this was for “men only.” I was devastated. My friend went to bat for me, but none of the other guys did. What really sucked is I was sharing a hotel room with 3 of these guys and didn’t feel comfortable sharing a room with them knowing they were drunk and didn’t see me as male.

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