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Seeing my future self

August 15, 2009

I saw my future self on the subway: he looked like an older, testosterone-filled version of myself. I tried to  sneak surreptitious glances at him, to see how I might look in the future, but I think he noticed because he started staring back. Either that, or he recognized me too, as a past version of himself. We even got off at the same station and headed in the same direction. When I lost sight of him, for a split second, I wished I had asked how he was doing –how we were doing– in life.

Maybe I have been reading too many stories involving Doubles (Borges, Cortázar), but still: wouldn’t it be neat to be able to speak with your future self, to know that you’ll survive the tough parts of your life? (Of course, it could backfire: what if you met the future you and hir life was a mess?)

When I got home, I looked in the mirror, and realized that my “double” and I didn’t look so alike, after all. But it was a strong experience while it lasted. And I’m glad that he looked relatively happy.

I also had a dream in which my father pronounced my new name for the first time. It was set in a very dramatic seaside landscape; I still remember the salty breeze, the texture of the stone wall we sat on, the way he carried me in his arms. Because at one point, he carried me in his arms. I love him so much.

I think I’ve had my head in the clouds lately. It’s kind of nice up here, even though it’s hard to articulate words, ideas or actions in this state of mind.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. ollda97 permalink
    August 15, 2009 4:13 pm

    This is a beautiful narrative. Thank you for sharing. I smiled as I was reading, thinking about my family’s response to my changes. The uncertainty of the future can be inspiring, though, but finding hope in the life and loves of others, that is an amazing thing.

  2. August 17, 2009 6:53 pm

    I’ve seen my double floating around a few times – it’s odd, but intriguing at the same time. Lately, several of my friends have told me they’ve seen my double around – weird.

  3. Ace permalink
    September 11, 2009 11:27 am

    This experience happened more than a decade ago and it still freaks the hell out of me..i was 5 and i was drawing on the sidewalk with my chalks in front of my house and while i was drawing,i had this weird,unexplainable feeling that..something was coming and i looked up and this man,wear black clothes and glasses(i ended up having to waer these years after) comes near me and stands in front of me.while i looked dead-straight in his eyes,i felt extremely weird,i cant even explain if i knew that man all my life but never saw him before…he said dOnt (parts missing) because(parts missing).thats all i can remember.i looked behind me,scared to death looking for someone to come and help me and i turn back to look at him and he’s already gone.he came out of nowhere and totally disapeared.I then run to my mother and warned her about this,so i never dreamt that or whatever.i dont have any mental problems what so ever,no anxiety or schyzophrenia,i am a healty 19 year old person living with that memory for so long and i wanted to know any of your toughts or even if that experience as a name or if it happened to someone else..

    • genderkid permalink*
      September 13, 2009 12:56 pm

      That does sound strange. I’ve been reading through Wikipedia’s article on doppelgängers and they’re similar to what you just described. The article, however, seems to see them in a purely negative light. It’s interesting, because in Latin American literature –at least what I’ve read– doubles aren’t necessarily ominous: they’re just something that happens every once in a while.

      • Ace permalink
        September 14, 2009 1:47 am

        Thank God You’re my savior ! Honestly,i’ve been looking for at least a definition or explanation ! Thank You so much,you’ve cleared up a lot of things now ! =)

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