Where do you get your strength?
If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you might remember that a few friends and I founded an LGBTQ student group at our school. At first I was really excited, but I haven’t been doing much for some time now. That’s partly due to the difficulty of doing trans activism in a mostly lesbian and gay group, but I’ll write more on that later. Right now, I’m feeling tired and down and I just want to rant a little.
Where do you get your strength when it takes every ounce of energy you can muster to hold up your sense of self every day, only to have it trampled by people who can’t —who won’t— even see who you are? When every single day you have to rebuild yourself from the ashes of a girl who is no longer there? Where do you find the strength, even if you’re surrounded by people who loved you as a girl, when only a handful of them support you as the boy you are?
Sometimes I lower my standards. I say to myself, you’re lucky to have gotten this far alive; you’re lucky to be able to get up every morning; you know people who couldn’t stand the pressure. You don’t have to push yourself any further. But if I don’t push myself, if I can’t even stand up for myself and claim my rights, who is going to do it for me? What right do I have to feel tired already when there are so many people living in much worse conditions than I am?
How can you stand up for your rights when just standing up is so damn draining? Where do you find the strength?