The Odyssey of Finding Pants
I never liked buying clothes. Before questioning my gender, I had a hard time finding girl’s clothes I liked, but I couldn’t even conceive the notion of buying in the men’s section (I had the binary well internalized). I kept looking for my own girl “style”, hoping to find something I felt comfortable wearing; altough being so picky made me feel superficial.
When I started identifying as trans, I realized that I couldn’t find my girl-style because I didn’t feel like a girl in the first place. I became suddenly aware of all the oh-so-comfortable, oh-so-me men’s clothes available — if I dared to buy it against my mother’s wishes.
When I finally plucked up the courage to go into a men’s store, I found an obstacle I hadn’t thought of: men’s clothes come in men’s sizes. I am only boy-sized, and thin to boot. I now know a couple of stores that sell extra-small T-shirts, and I can wear small shirts if necessary. Switching to boy shirts made me feel so much better. I could finally look at myself in mirrors without feeling my stomach twist.
Pants were a tougher issue. I have female-wide hips, but men’s pants are simply humongous on me. After months of wearing boy shirts, I still couldn’t find boy pants in my size. I went into store after store, feeling more and more frustrated, asking the store clerks for their smallest size. They were really nice; they tried to find something my size, and you could tell they didn’t want to send me to a kids’ store.
I couldn’t bring myself to go to a children’s shop: all of them have toddler-sized things in their windows. Why are there stores for teenage girls, but not for teenage boys? I mean, even boys need clothes when they aren’t kids anymore, but haven’t grown much either!
I ended up buying a huge pair of jeans out of desperation. They didn’t look too good on my thin legs, but I had to get out of my girl-fitting pants. I didn’t think I’d ever find anything my size — even T can’t do miracles (actually, T might make things worse, since it’ll melt my hip fat away!)
But, recently, a store clerk offered me a pair of extra-snug-fitting pants. And they fit! Maybe I wasn’t condemned to a no-pants life, after all. I had gotten really dramatic about the whole affair: I honestly thought there were no adult pants in my size. Now, I’m more optimistic: it might be harder to find clothes my size, but it isn’t impossible.
PS: Hudson’s FTM Guide includes a section on finding clothes for short and small guys.