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Worst gifts for a transboy

December 12, 2008

I turned 17 a couple of months ago and two different members of my family gave me pink pajamas. For different cultural reasons*, it’s hard to exchange presents down here; so the pajamas are still in my room, haunting me.

This weekend, I got two more belated gifts.  One family member gave me a third set of sleepwear, only this time it was a nightgown. A pink nightgown. Plus, my parents invaded my room while I was out: they installed a full-length mirror in my closet. I think I look fine from the shoulders up, but I keenly avoid looking at my chest and hips and girly behind. Thanks, mom and dad, for reminding me I’m female.

I’ve been trying to think of worse gifts for a transman but I couldn’t come up with much. I could’ve recieved makeup (which could be used for face-painting, at least), lacey underwear (got that last year), a book on being a Real Woman (which might be sociologically interesting, albeit appaling), or a purse.

At first, I felt guilty because these people spent –wasted– money on me with their best intentions in mind. I might have appreciated the presents had I been different — that is, cisgender. I wasn’t sad about not getting things I liked; I hope I’m never that materialistic. I just wish people would stop buying me identity-denying gifts which leave me sorry for the giver and make me feel invisible. I wish people would stop giving me presents at all. No, wait — I wish my old friends would call me “he” ; that would be the best gift ever.

Now I can laugh at my sheer bad luck. I mean, three sets of pink pajamas? What are the odds?!


*In Argentina, stores don’t give you your money back. Both pairs of pajamas were bought in “women’s” stores, so I’d only exchange one girly thing for another. Plus, I’m not sure where these people shopped, and I don’t really want to ask.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. December 12, 2008 1:12 pm

    Ew. Yeah, not exactly identity validating items. But does your family know you’re a guy? Did you come out to them?

  2. Asia Indigo permalink
    December 13, 2008 6:47 pm

    That kinda sucks, hun.
    Maybe you could use them as rags to clean stuff with?

  3. genderkid permalink*
    December 15, 2008 9:41 am

    Jacky, I’m trying to come out. But that’s a good point: at least they aren’t denying my identity on purpose.

    Asia Indigo, nice idea. I’ll probably donate some of the stuff to charity.

    Thanks for the comments, people!

  4. December 20, 2008 2:09 am

    One birthday, a long time ago, I received several towels and similar items with my [old] birth-name stitched in them. Forget the colours [there was pink, also purple, and one colourful with a parrot on it for some reason], but what were people thinking? That I lack towels? That I don’t know the name on my papers, the one I don’t actually use in my every day life?

    A thing that helped me deal and be amused by these things, rather than offended, is the idea of drag. If someone was to give me pink lacy panties I would probably be tickled by the added layer of kink – not sure about wearing them, but in general I’m pretty much in favour of men in lacy underwear!

  5. Brandon permalink
    December 20, 2008 12:06 pm

    I’ve always found Christmas to be a little difficult. My family splits in two. Even though I’m not out, I am definitely more masculine than feminine, and this is obvious to my family. I spend hours playing hardcore video games instead of doing my homework. I have short hair (soon to be a buzz cut in a matter of minutes) and I wear mens’ clothes. So half my family accepts that whatever I am, this is the way I am and they give presents accordingly. They don’t think of it as a gender thing. It’s not “well, he’s a boy so he’d like a book on boats”, it’s “well she is who she is and she seems to like to shop at This Mens’ Store so let’s get her a card for there.” Which is nice.

    The other half of my family approaches it like yours seems to approach you. For a while, my family saw my gender deviance as something they could ‘fix’. So for a long time I got a lot of pink stuff, I got a lot of fuzzy stuff and I got a lot of gift cards for womens -only stores. Eventually, some of them figured out they were wasting their money, but my grandma still gives me things that i KNOW she knows I won’t like.

    I think it’s either something they’ll get through and over when and if you come out to them, and even if you don’t come out to them, they may get over it, too.

    By the way bro, I’m loving this blog.

  6. genderkid permalink*
    December 21, 2008 12:06 pm

    Brandon, I’m glad your family –part of it, at least– is accepting of your masculinity! You’re right, they don’t have to know you’re trans to respect your identity; I bet lots of butch women/feminine men have the same problem.

    I just randomly remembered this tsunami aid program: they donated large amounts of thongs because they wanted to make sure women received aid, too. Many men took things intended for women, but presumably they wouldn’t want thongs. This might be slightly off-topic, though.

    Hope your buzzcut looks nice!

  7. Ever permalink
    January 12, 2011 9:51 pm

    I have two wonderful cisgendered nieces. I remember my own aunt getting me a doll when I had asked her for a remote control toy race car – and I threw the doll into a metal garbage can and set it on fire! As a result, I listen, really listen, to what they want (as long as its inexpensive.) So I get them the pink princess stuff – and an awesome thing happened. My niece drew me a picture for my birthday. She said,” I like pink, but I know your favorite color is blue and I know you like cats and outer space, so I drew you a blue space cat.”

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