My brain has been working overtime, these past weeks, thinking about what I am and what I’d like to be.
I intended to use this blog to mull over my gender thoughts, but in any given day I’ve gone through identifying as genderqueer to ftm to butch dyke. Whenever I tried to write something down -here or in a gender notebook I keep- I ended up identifying as something else entirely!
Anyway, I’ve been feeling more male every day. I’ve always avoided looking at myself -in mirrors, for instance- but I’ve been checking out my own body, inspired by an essay by an FTM person. I don’t hate my physique, but I’d love to stand up straight without worrying about my chest, I’d like to have biceps, I’d like to have less of a waist.
I’m starting to think that I’m much more trans than I believed I was. It’s scary, but it’s exciting too.