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Further down FTM lane

August 29, 2008

My brain has been working overtime, these past weeks, thinking about what I am and what I’d like to be.

I intended to use this blog to mull over my gender thoughts, but in any given day I’ve gone through identifying as genderqueer to ftm to butch dyke. Whenever I tried to write something down -here or in a gender notebook I keep- I ended up identifying as something else entirely!

Anyway, I’ve been feeling more male every day. I’ve always avoided looking at myself -in mirrors, for instance- but I’ve been checking out my own body, inspired by an essay by an FTM person. I don’t hate my physique, but I’d love to stand up straight without worrying about my chest, I’d like to have biceps, I’d like to have less of a waist.

I’m starting to think that I’m much more trans than I believed I was. It’s scary, but it’s exciting too.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. September 1, 2008 3:04 pm

    I hear you! When I started this journey, I thought I was a little bit trans. Yet everyday since has made me realize that I am way more trans, sooooo much more trans, than I thought just a short year ago. I am a swiftly moving target. It sure makes life interesting!

  2. genderkid permalink
    September 9, 2008 12:45 pm

    Yeah, but it’s confusing as heck, too.

    That reminds me of my coming-out-as-lesbian process. It started out “I’m bi… I guess…” and eventually progressed to “die-hard dyke”. Now I’m back to being more open to different attractions.

    The trouble is, you can’t go back in transitioning! not easily, at least.

  3. September 9, 2008 1:58 pm

    Thanks for the link!!!! And what a great looking blog you’ve got!

  4. genderkid permalink
    September 9, 2008 2:03 pm

    Thank you, for Beyond Masculinity. Seriously.

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  1. My identity: Gender « genderkid

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