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Old pictures.

August 17, 2008

My mom’s been hanging up my childhood portraits. All I have to do is walk down the hallway and I can see my little-girl-self staring back at me. Eerie.

I think I was a girl back then; at least, I didn’t feel uncomfortable being one. I was intrigued by how it would feel to be a boy, but I never wished I had been born in a different body (I still don’t, even though sometimes I want my body to look different in some senses).

Mostly I lived in a world that looked genderless to me, where I could love dinosaurs and stuffed animals at the same time. No one could get into my make-believe games and tell me they were unfeminine. My mom dressed me up in skirts and blouses from time to time, but I didn’t care about clothes anyway (I avoided mirrors until I started dressing masculinely).

So I feel ambiguous about those old pictures. Childhood was nice, but it’s time to move on. I hope my mom doesn’t resent me for growing up to be her son.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. September 13, 2008 5:59 am

    pardon the spam, but if you’d like to share your coming out story i’d be delighted..

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  2. genderkid permalink
    September 13, 2008 2:21 pm

    Sure! nice site, btw.

  3. October 10, 2008 8:43 pm

    That reminds me a lot of my own childhood. I don’t think I distinguished enough between male/female to be able to feel like I wanted to be the ‘other one’.

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