My brain has been working overtime, these past weeks, thinking about what I am and what I’d like to be.
I intended to use this blog to mull over my gender thoughts, but in any given day I’ve gone through identifying as genderqueer to ftm to butch dyke. Whenever I tried to write something down -here or in a gender notebook I keep- I ended up identifying as something else entirely!
Anyway, I’ve been feeling more male every day. I’ve always avoided looking at myself -in mirrors, for instance- but I’ve been checking out my own body, inspired by an essay by an FTM person. I don’t hate my physique, but I’d love to stand up straight without worrying about my chest, I’d like to have biceps, I’d like to have less of a waist.
I’m starting to think that I’m much more trans than I believed I was. It’s scary, but it’s exciting too.
Filed under: Links, Personal progress, Theorizing | Tagged: FTM, changes, identity, transgender, trans, transman, teen, beyond masculinity
I hear you! When I started this journey, I thought I was a little bit trans. Yet everyday since has made me realize that I am way more trans, sooooo much more trans, than I thought just a short year ago. I am a swiftly moving target. It sure makes life interesting!
Yeah, but it’s confusing as heck, too.
That reminds me of my coming-out-as-lesbian process. It started out “I’m bi… I guess…” and eventually progressed to “die-hard dyke”. Now I’m back to being more open to different attractions.
The trouble is, you can’t go back in transitioning! not easily, at least.
Thanks for the link!!!! And what a great looking blog you’ve got!
Thank you, for Beyond Masculinity. Seriously.
[...] 2, 2009 When I started this blog, I was in the middle of an identity crisis: “…in any given day I’ve gone through identifying as genderqueer to ftm to butch dyke.&… Now, I’m pretty stable in my transmasculine [...]